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Introduction

A final warning.

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I’m more or less writing this to get rid of that stupid picture they put in here.

I’ll give you a picture, you little…

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Continue reading “Introduction”

Show No Mercy: Why Old Mortal Kombat Games Have Stood The Test of Time.

Will Hsu Hao return? Probably not.

Let’s not beat around the bush too much on this one, because I’m writing this a little later than usual as a result of being really picky on topics at the last moment. So, Mortal Kombat.


This is not… Mortal Kombat. Actually, this is kind of my point if I may be honest. Continue reading “Show No Mercy: Why Old Mortal Kombat Games Have Stood The Test of Time.”

So, You’re An Irony Poisoned Wreck: The Need For Sincerity

*Wink hard enough to crush diamonds*

Jokes are funny, right? People remember jokes, they tell their friends when something is funny. You might be mistaken for thinking humor is an easy path to success, because even if it falls flat you’ve still got a smile on your face, right? Hate to burst your bubble, but wrong. Obviously. Just look at the lowest rated movies and shows of all time, most of them are going to be comedies because laughter is something that needs far less build up than most other emotions. Entire shows are made to be a series of skits unrelated to each other and even when they have relation they’re built on the ridiculous most of the time. Don’t have to worry about death scenes or important character moments because the punchline is what people remember. Besides, if you make a story with characters and world building it might be… CLICHE! Not Cliche! The word that you were probably shown in your teenage years when some new age cartoon was all about saying all that old stuff isn’t cool anymore. When I was a kid, almost every cartoon had no problem ribbing the days of Hannah Barbara or Loony Toons. There was the anvil from the sky as a punchline, the repeating backgrounds, The hunter/hunted dynamic that many cartoons adopted; nothing was safe, especially when there was such a variety of shows both grounded in reality, and incredibly out there in terms of logic. For a while, video games did this as well. Making fun of crates in games, exploding barrels, the tutorial character, the basic plots of the late 80’s games. It’s growing pains that show such ideas aren’t enough anymore. Back in the 60’s a large object smashing someone into a flat shape was kooky humor. Nowadays… It takes a bit more, but it’s not impossible to work with. But it makes sense for media to want more and like anything it’s expected to mock the past to a point for changing standards. That is until you realize that you’ve put so much humor and parody in your creation that you’ve forgotten to make anything of substance under it. Right now, I’m feeling this sense of insincerity from a lot of people. That they don’t want to be too serious out of fear that what they make would be mocked as cliche and the like. This means there’s a lot of comedy, and not enough funny bone to go around. Continue reading “So, You’re An Irony Poisoned Wreck: The Need For Sincerity”

Tazy Watches Steven Universe Season 2 Shorts

Ahem. So where was I? Season 3 right? Well… That’s a bit of a tough thing to run through. Turns out that between Seasons 2 and 3 there were 6 shorts that were made for plot explanations and a few small scenes that don’t add much. Given their nature and the fact that the episodes are short as they are… I’m going to just put my thoughts out rather than the usual breaking down of snark. In return,  I’ll go more in detail then I do usually with the end thoughts of an episode… at least I hope so. Some of these might just be nice scenes more for their own sake then anything meaningful. They’re perfectly allowed to exist.

Anyway, let’s get this started. Continue reading “Tazy Watches Steven Universe Season 2 Shorts”

Dead or Alive 6 and the Mistakes of the Past

Crossover Costume DLC is available allowing me to be dressed up as all the Mission Impossible characters.


Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. A proverb of Italian origin that should be easy to discern. However, it’s harder to put into practice than you might think, and like all things, such proverbs are not something you should base your personality around. Sometimes it’s better to forgive and forget, or to let the elephant in the room see itself out. Can I use any more proverbs? Well, I promise I’m getting somewhere. Unfortunately, I have to speak of Dead or Alive as an outsider looking in, which means that I speak as someone that doesn’t fully understand what he’s talking about, but I’m nothing if I can’t play by ear, and I wouldn’t be wading into what I’m about to talk about if I wasn’t sure I could make something of substance. Dead or Alive 6 has been revealed recently and the director has been clear about his vision of taking the game away from the hyper sexualized reputation it’s gotten over the years, that the characters are going to be warriors first and not eye candy. Their reasoning, however, is… a little odd? Not that they’re in a changing industry or taking inspiration from American comic books, it’s the fact that they believe tournament players weren’t willing to play the game out of embarrassment? Which I am very much going to say isn’t why Dead or Alive 5 lost most of its player base. Definitely. Gotta put my life on the line for it. The problem with what I’m about to talk about is that for the first time on this website, I will be wading into ViDeO gAmE gEnDeR sTuDiEs, which is about as entertaining to discuss as hitting yourself in the head with a baseball bat helps your brain develop. But you can always leave so if you’re not doing that let’s talk about why Dead or Alive 5 didn’t succeed in the way it was desired. Continue reading “Dead or Alive 6 and the Mistakes of the Past”

Why I Hate Claymates: A Game By Interplay from like 1993

Because hate is a good emotion to write about, right?

When I was just a kid with a Super Nintendo, I had no understanding of what I liked or hated really. I played the same first world on each game I had over and over never getting any farther because the idea of saving my progress and continuing from where I left off was a concept foreign to me until I was a teenager, and even then I still didn’t beat many games. But I remember the first franchise I really got interested into. At least as far as video games are concerned. It wasn’t Donkey Kong, Mario, Sonic, or Street Fighter… it was a fighting game series made exclusive to the SNES and published by Interplay: Clayfighters.

 

It had a cast of goofy characters any small child could easily get hooked onto. I never ended up buying the game and I blame my really stupid child brain that never understood what he wanted until much later in life. I may have also subconsciously known that the games weren’t all that great and were always a few steps behind actual quality fighting games. Love is admitting that your significant other has faults sometimes. But I remember way back then that I saw a game called “Claymates” and I rented it from Blockbuster not knowing it was also made by Interplay. I guess I just assumed. But, I remember playing it once, getting to the second stage or so, dying in some pit with a venus fly trap in it and deciding that I wanted to play with my toys instead. Fast forward to a year ago when I decided to play some old games I had tried out long ago and see if I liked any of them. Deciding that Claymates would be short, I picked that one and, given this was Interplay on the SNES, I thought it would be… okay?

It was not okay. Line separation to emphasize my distaste. Continue reading “Why I Hate Claymates: A Game By Interplay from like 1993”

There’s The Plot! There It Is!: What Makes An Open World Compelling?

Here’s a Santa Claus shaped key. Go find the keyhole!

So.

I sort of have nothing for this month? It’s more than a little unprofessional, but… well it’s also not a professional site I’m on so…

Deadpool game discussion?


Ok, so I still need to play the game on ultra-violence. Pardon me. Continue reading “There’s The Plot! There It Is!: What Makes An Open World Compelling?”

Hey Everyone, I Beat Link To The Past So Let’s Talk About It 20+ Years Too Late.

It’s a game called Zelda and it’s really rad. These ionizing burns are really bad.

When I was six years old, I got a Super Nintendo from my uncle along with a few games he wanted nothing to do with anymore because he had his own system with his own games. What I got included Super Mario World, WWE Raw, Taz-mania, some golf game, and like…. Riddick Bowe Boxing? I had fun with Riddick Bowe Boxing, but that’s only because I was a dumb child that got bored watching Flubber but not s**t like this. But I remember that on the box there was a list of games that you could play and there was stuff like Super Metroid and Link to the Past. However, I was a dumb kid that forgot all of those games and decided Spider-Man games that kicked you in the dick repeatedly were more worth my time. This gave me more of an affinity for niche titles, but in the end… I never got to play the must have titles for the system. At all. Recently, I’ve been working towards fixing a lot of this thanks to digital purchasing, local used game stores and Amazon… and, you know, totally legal means. In this way, I managed to beat Link to the Past and it’s this game I want to sort of do a more long form article on. If you want my immediate thoughts on the game, well that’s here if you actually care about it. Long story short, I loved it. Not really rocking the boat, but what do you expect, really? Made in 1993, Link to the Past improves on the formula of the original NES Zelda in all ways from a technical standpoint and goes further by creating its own unique mechanics. Basically, it’s everything a sequel should aim for and I’m going to explain a few things that make it work beyond what you might expect. Continue reading “Hey Everyone, I Beat Link To The Past So Let’s Talk About It 20+ Years Too Late.”